Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
