I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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