You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
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It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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