I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
