Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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