no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize