You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
