so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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