this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
