So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
