WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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