We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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