god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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