I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
