I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
