I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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