She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
