i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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