I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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