My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
