Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
