There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
