you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
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I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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