hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
