did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
