And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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