Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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