You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
