you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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