why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
