Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
