So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Someone shit on the floor
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
