you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
