I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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