They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
