If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
