I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
