I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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