I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
