i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you never un-have a 4some
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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