I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
