i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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