if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
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