the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
