She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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