do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Randomize
