just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
