last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
