Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
