Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
