my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
