I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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