I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
