I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
