Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
