capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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