he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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