Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
