Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
