Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
