i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
