So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
