Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
