The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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