1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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