i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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