uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
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How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
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I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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