You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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