you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i was born a porn star she said
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
