I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
