If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize