So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
