My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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