Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
