I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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