3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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