Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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